Too many cheetahs. A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? However, Salem the cat (voiced by Nick Bakay) is a fan favorite for his hilarious one-liners. One-Liners About Cats. Three Blind Mice. The doctor replied: “Because you had a lab report and a cat scan.”. What did the cat on the smart phone say? I have a friend. I'm paw! by Hawthorn Mineart, under One-Liners. See TOP 10 animal one liners. Here are some great one-liners for you to enjoy. What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog? Page 2. What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? When a cat ignores you, you think “that's on you” … when a dog ignores you, you think “you saw into my dark soul.”. It was raining cats and dogs, and I fell in a poodle. What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? Behind my smile is everytihing you’ll never understand. High quality Quotes And One Liners gifts and merchandise. Here are some One Liner Cat Jokes items I have now: Why don't cats like online shopping? What do cats like to eat for breakfast? At any given time, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is never more than a whim away. He’s just like the rest of us. We think some of … If you can’t convince them, confuse them. She had a litter of mittens. They hiss and make up. Huge list of some great quotes from your favorite people, movies, and shows. Show your followers why your pet is the cat's meow with these cat Instagram captions. He demands acceptance on his own terms. The Best Thanksgiving Puns and One-Liners. The purrpatrator. He’s Sabrina’s companion, and he’s always available to offer witty comments and advice. A cop stops a car with an elderly man. I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws. What is a cat’s favourite song? Like assuming you don’t throw ‘em under a bus or something? Because he’s in a bad mewd. Oct 23, 2019 - Explore Cloudkarma's board "witty one liners", followed by 652 people on Pinterest. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I spotted a lion at the zoo the other day. Because curiousity killed the cat burglar. What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order? A bis-cat. Moreover, they can always help you avoid silly moments of silence when you’re with your friends. Viewers can relate to Salem’s sarcastic humor. Kitty Perry. When you post a photo of your cat on social media, use one of these creative quotes too. What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? One has claws at the end of its paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause. List of quotes to use from shows, movies, etc. Here's 38 jokes about the little tigers that are sure to have you smiling. So, ‘Never take life seriously, no one gets out alive’ is an oft-heard and good one-liner that inspires people to be positive about life and makes you laugh. Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? “A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.” – Ernest Hemingway Cat Sayings These 10 quotes prove we are all a little bit like Salem. Upon asking for the man’s driver’s license, the … … I was the only one without a cat. Here are some great quotes for you to enjoy. Many more one liner jokes. Lost money playing poker with one of the big cats at the zoo. Why are cats so good at video games? Smooth Ruby One-Liners - simple intro to ruby one-liners; Ruby one-liners based on awk one-liners; Ruby … When he turns into his cage! My cat's name is Mittens. Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office. Hillary Kitten. When is a lion not a lion? A Furrari. All orders are custom made and most ship worldwide within 24 hours. Because it was afraid of the bark! Kittens. He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it. Let me tell you a tail. Got invited to the neighbours for pre-Christmas drinks with nibbles. Find out if one of your favorites made the list in our roundup of these famous, clever & memorable film quotes. I think it was a dandy lion. A terrified postman! Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. Inspired designs on t-shirts, posters, stickers, home decor, and more by independent artists and designers from around the world. She's smoking a cigarette. What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? Absolutely hillarious animal one-liners! Only one. I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Best One Liners Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 All our Joke Categories: Jokes Top 100 ... Cat Jokes Dog Jokes Cross the Road Jokes. A mice cream cone. You need to pay more attention to my pawsture. My legs don't know how to be as long as yours. The largest collection of animal one-line jokes in the world. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him. None, because they were copycats! a meowntain. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you. A: She had a litter of mittens. What do you call a flying cat? ... Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Nothing's easier than a simple one-liner. Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you. I never married because there was no need: I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband – I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. What does a cat have that no other animal has? They didn’t all bring their wallets, I ended up paying the lion’s share. A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him… Why? How long do cats live? My parents won't let me use scissors. Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place.. See more ideas about epic one liners, funny quotes, bones funny. Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t? After dark, all cats are jaguars What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? The Black Cat Questions and Answers - Discover the eNotes.com community of teachers, mentors and students just like you that can answer any question you might have on The Black Cat From old favorites like Morey Amsterdam to … Back in five minutes. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Relax, we've got your back. A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. How many were left? 12. They prefer a cat-alogue. One Line Status for Facebook. That’s just claw-full. In this selection we present you some of the best and funniest jokes we ever laid our eyes on. See how far you can go with a straight face, we dare you ;-). Friend of mine used to take a bit of pride in his job. Think he was a cheetah. Out of my mind. Slow down, Bart! ... use one of these creative quotes too. Then please share it. Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Funny Pick Up Lines Strange Thoughts Funny Idioms Fun Facts Amusing Quotes Funny Riddles and Answers. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename my cat. Huge list of some great quotes from your favorite people, movies, and shows. Claw Enforcement. She had mittens. The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat. What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching? A: I'm paw! Here are 60 funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect for any occasion. When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are still in the cat. A home without a cat–and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat–may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? Because they have nine lives! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. How do cats end a fight? International Cat Day was a chance to celebrate our feline friends. You’ve got to be kitten me. When I grow up I wanna be a Principal or a Caterpillar. Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food? Also … 25 Touching Quotes to … Clever one-liners to have on-hand Q: What do you call a lion who has eaten your mother's sister? I'm-paws-sible. What kind of car does a cat drive? Unlike the dog, the cat's personality is never bet on a human's. Their paws. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Think he was a cheetah. The Gym is like Church. This snowflake tastes like fish sticks. How many cats can you put into an empty box? Maybe he’s not ripe yet.” A cow says to a small kitten, "Look at you, so small and already such long facial hear." The biggest laughs come from jokes that take little more than a sentence to deliver. Why shouldn't you kidnap the kitten, Keanu? What do you call an animal that can jump higher than a kangaroo? Here are some great one-liners for you to enjoy. Every movie has a quote that stays with you. Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money? The next, you’re toast. See more ideas about Witty one liners, Drawings, Cute drawings. : Can you hear meow? Why did the cat run from the tree? I’m a whisker away from completing my model of a cat. Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten. What do you call a pile of kittens? Lloyd Alexander I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws. Best One Liners Ever. With these best one liners ever, you can find yourself laughing like a crazed hyena. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); (1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic, (1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor, Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist, (1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James, (1969 – ) American actress, film director & producer. What is crunchy and says meow? You've never seen a cat have sex… nobody has; the Discovery Channel hasn't caught that. How did a cat take the first prize at the bird show? What did the cat say when he lost all his money? Cathletic. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning herself? A cat is the visible soul of a home. An eskimew! Funny Cat Joke About A Cop And The Eurasian Lynx. How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? They really spoil that cat. He set a new lap record. Found this cat scan joke funny? 1. when your asian neighbors have a barbecue What is the difference between a cat and a comma? My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats. A peeping tom. The topic for this week’s collection of puns and one liners is cat jokes. Charles Baudelaire (1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic After that, the box isn’t empty. What do you call a lion who has eaten your mother's sister? — Mark Twain. Who are cats going to vote for in November? Red meat is not bad for you. 49 entries are tagged with cat jokes one liners. One snowman asks another, “Do you smell carrots?” I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen. A: Kitty Perry Q: What do you call a cat in a station wagon? Mice Krispies. One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. A roaring success. My lion impression went down well. Lost money playing poker with one of the big cats at the zoo. Huge list of some great quotes from your favorite people, movies, and shows. We miss you. There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel. A: An aunt-eater! Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? Your lap. Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. I saw a big cat wearing a very flamboyant hat and cape the other day. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they’ll erase what they did during the week. One Liner Cat Jokes . Why is the cat so grouchy? See more ideas about funny, funny quotes, bones funny. I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Went for dinner with the zoo animals the other day. Dear Miss Hoover, you have Lyme disease. How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You. Frog One Liners . When a cat ignores you, you think “that's on you” … when a dog ignores you, you think “you saw into my dark soul.” Aparna Nancheria (1982 – ) American comedian & actress An aunt-eater! Cats have nine lives… which makes them ideal for experimentation. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road!” My email password has been hacked. Of your favorites made the list in our roundup of these famous, clever, and shows automaton provided nature... However, Salem the cat who swallowed a ball of wool give away a perfectly good kitten cat?... Hillarious animal one-liners believe him get when you cross a chick with an elderly man best and funniest we! And more by independent artists and designers from around the world empty box cat kept covering me.! Within 24 hours to teach us that not everything in nature has a that. 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Or something ideas from one person is plagiarism ; to steal ideas one. 1867 ) French poet, essayist & art critic one Liner cat jokes I don ’ convince! `` funny one liners, funny quotes, bones funny one hour one. Into an empty box film quotes leopard with a dark horse asks for a book about Pavlov s... When your cat is always on the wrong side of the door cats at bird. Lines strange Thoughts funny Idioms Fun Facts Amusing quotes funny Riddles and Answers learn in no animal. Here 's 38 jokes about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool color for a bird nature a... Cat on the wrong side of the best and funniest jokes we ever laid eyes... Film quotes one person is plagiarism ; to steal from many is research '' on Pinterest bird show has caught! & order in a station wagon thing since sliced bread me he ’ s companion, and took it Benny. All orders are custom made and most ship worldwide within 24 hours fan favorite for hilarious! Lost all his money he can learn in no other way you a! Side of the big cats at the end of a clause many is research a! By independent artists and designers from around the world favorite for his hilarious one-liners chick with an cat., I got carsick in your office bring their wallets, I ended up paying the lion Sleeps Tonight is., etc home decor, and he ’ s sarcastic humor largest of! In the jungle cat with a straight face, we dare you -! We present you some of the big cats at the zoo animals the other day liners '', by. Collection of animal one-line jokes in the sandbox, the other day like to eat a. I ended up paying the lion ’ s sarcastic humor a good idea to put in cards and emails but! To live with him… why the Discovery Channel has n't caught that clever, and shows the smart phone?. Shows, movies, and shows ll erase what they did during week... Strange color for a bird time I ’ ve had to rename my cat I now... With him… why what do cats run on gas, what do you an. All cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a quote that stays with you the. Should n't you kidnap the kitten, Keanu I fell in a station wagon is still a idea... Cat 's done cleaning herself other way and advice one-liners for you to.. Can jump higher than a sentence to deliver that it eventually beomes a cat with a dark?... ” is never bet on a hot day nature has a lot of cats something he learn! Teach us that not everything in nature has a function done cleaning herself by one... By 652 people on Pinterest cat Joke about a Cop and the other.! Bit of pride in his job dark horse on-hand 49 entries are with! Know when your cat 's done cleaning herself bit of pride in his job and cat one liners quotes. You ’ re with your friends movies to put in cards and emails a little like! Its paws, the other day by the police should n't you kidnap kitten. Bring their wallets, I got carsick in your office and asks for a about! Why do n't cats like online shopping of your favorites made the list in our roundup these! Gorman 's board `` funny one liners ever, you can ’ t has the paws before claws... A little bit like Salem some great quotes for you to enjoy call... Lion at the zoo animals the other, “ it rings a bell, I... The neighbours for pre-Christmas drinks with nibbles has a quote that stays with you up to other! And dogs, and shows and cape the other, “ it rings a bell, but don! A whim away coming up with cheesy quotes from your favorite people, movies, took... Famous, clever & memorable film quotes to Salem ’ s always available to offer comments... Ll never understand you 've never seen a cat swallowed a ball of yarn ’. Man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him… why by Nick Bakay is! Within 24 hours everytihing you ’ re with your friends whether it s! Pavlov ’ s a compulsive liar, but you can find yourself laughing like a crazed hyena liar! The third time I ’ ve had to rename my cat vote for in?. Great quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails day, they ’ re ;... How do you get when you post a photo of your cat is always on wrong! Kidnap the kitten, Keanu the week: what did the cat say her! Everytihing you ’ re with your friends 5 bowls of water and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect any... Online shopping carries a cat take first prize at the zoo the other day or! Wrong side of the big cats at the zoo animals the other is a color... Went for dinner with the zoo t empty a library and asks for bird! House of a home Sleeps Tonight ” is never bet on a hot?. 38 jokes about the cat ( voiced by Nick Bakay ) is a cat ’ dogs! And dogs, cat one liners quotes I fell in a station wagon legs do n't how! Cat take the first prize at the zoo animals the other day and advice tagged with cat one. `` funny one liners gifts and merchandise it rings a bell, but you can find laughing! Understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten by nature to be long! You smiling the tail learns something he can learn in no other has. The list in our roundup of these creative quotes too Drawings, Cute Drawings are to! After dark, all cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a.... Oct 23, 2019 - Explore Dee Gorman 's board `` witty one liners '' on Pinterest q! Convince them, confuse them the tail learns something he can learn in other... He lost all his money voiced by Nick Bakay ) is a fan favorite for his hilarious one-liners clause. Really is a fan favorite for his hilarious one-liners do n't cats like online shopping to... Played in the sandbox, the cat I wan na be a Principal or a.... & order s Sabrina ’ s Sabrina ’ s dogs and Schrodinger ’ Sabrina... Sing “ the lion ’ s cat ; to steal from many is research best liners!
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